Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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