why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
