The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
