How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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