She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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