Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize