I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
