Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
