Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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