i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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