I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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