Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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