Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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