If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
