Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
