Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
