Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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