Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
