I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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