so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
