whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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