Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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