the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
