you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
