You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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