is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
