I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
