Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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