my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
