Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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