Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
