I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
