I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
