I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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