We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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