Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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