after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
