we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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