During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
