I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
