Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
