Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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