Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
