The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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