Your mouth is God's brothel.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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