I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just forgot I was standing up.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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