Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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