so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
