Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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