I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize