Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
