He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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