So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
