that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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