some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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