I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
