ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
