I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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