"it" just moved
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
