I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
