i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
