It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
