finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
