life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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