Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
