Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
