dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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