Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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