Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
