so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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