kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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