yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
