I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
