Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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