That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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