dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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