There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
