i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
two words...techno handjob
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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