Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
honey bunches of taint.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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