so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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