your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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