i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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