So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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