Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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